The girls of TwentyA have never cared much for tradition but somehow we’ve gotten sucked into the perfect world of Hallmark Christmas movies. Truth be told, it’s all we’ve watched the past couple weeks and boy have we learned a lot. Below are some of our observations:
1. Make no mistake, these are Christmas Movies. There’s no such thing as other religions in the Hallmark world.
2. Truth be told, the Hallmark world is probably the world Ann Coulter sees. Sorry ladies and gents, non-straight people and people of color don’t seem to exist, but we’re going to overlook this and keep watching.
UPDATE: After watching 20 of these we finally found an Asian!!!
3. Unsurprisingly every actor looks like a stock photo model come to life. After all, this is the greeting card channel.
Hey weren’t you in that viagra flyer I saw on the subway?
4. Or if you squint hard enough the actors look like somebody famous.
Is that Patrick Dempsey?
5. On a related note, the male lead is always a brunette man. Because even Hallmark admits we can’t trust a pretty blonde face.
6. Hallmark loves the D when it comes to parents. As in Divorced or Dead.
For all the “normality” they strive for you’d think they’d keep some picture perfect family units around.
7. If there’s some action about to go down before the last five minutes then it will most definitely be interrupted.
Hallmark rule: the main leads can’t kiss before the finale!
8. There is always Christmas tree related drama or a scene about obtaining a REAL Christmas tree.
Although the people are plastic, the trees definitely are not.
9. You’ll only find one good friend or sibling because we really don’t have time for multiple supporting actors with backstories.
How else can they afford to make 15 of these movies a year?
10. Folgers is a frequent sponsor.
Side note, do people still drink Folgers?
11. There’s an endearing child – usually belonging to one of the two leads.
And they’re probably interrupting the too early romantic moment explained above.
12. There’s also often an elderly angel / santa / elf character.
And they’re rather manipulative.
13. Opposites attract. Usually a Christmas-loving person reminding a Christmas-hating person why the season is so wonderful.
14. Hallmark really romanticizes small towns but also completely doesn’t understand how big cities work.
A personal shopper with ONE client is able to look at new modern apartment rentals in NYC?! GTFO
15. People in these movies really don’t understand how to dress for winter.
Giiiirl it is December in Philadelphia. Get a real coat.
16. And lastly, these movies are a dark hole that we probably won’t be exiting until after the new year.
Did we miss anything? Let us know!
P.S. Hallmark Channel: If you’re ever looking for new writers hit us up 😉